Photo by Joshua Alan Davis on Unsplash – Ganesha – remover of obstacles.

Simply these phrases – or these simple phrases:

  1. “Meets expectations” – God’s job review.
  2. “I don’t judge.” – a lesson learned.
  3. “It makes me feel…” – indisputable, immutable, impossible to argue.

The first one assumes there is a force in the universe that guides things to perfection. There are enough examples to cite and at times even agnostics and atheists come to find (if you click that link, scroll to number 6) that guidance evident in even the smallest of places. Think sub-atomic spaces, where I’ve read a bit about it in a book written by a physicist who made exactly that discovery. Even the coveted Higgs boson has been called the “God particle.” Click that link or do your own research and find answers for yourself. Being someone who for the most part lacks faith (because I know), I can easily relate to the idea that there is divine guidance in many things. As in, a little voice compelled me to go out for a meal tonight when I could just as easily have stayed home with left-over pizza. There’s more to be said about the wonderful outcome of this decision and the process behind it, but that explanation would require many more paragraphs and take me off-topic. My conclusion is elegant and simple, expectations were met, as something profoundly wonderful came of taking that “little voice” advice.

That second one is all about an approach to others. Perhaps you’ve heard the wisdom of “judge not…” If you don’t already know that, try it. Try approaching people and situations without judgment and see if it doesn’t allow you to feel more empathy. It might also help you to stop trying to make sense of what happens. To me, the best part of it is the first part. If I don’t rush to judgment about someone, their behavior, their situation, their way of life, or whatever, I’m leaving open the possibility that they are just fine the way they are. Perhaps that sounds a bit like being “radically open-minded” but that might just be a billion dollar lesson. Click that link for information on Ray Dalio, the man who first introduced me to that concept. Don’t misconstrue. The idea of “I don’t judge” comes with humility, as in, utterly complete humiliation may have been necessary for me to take this lesson. That’s all I’m willing to share in this article about that experience. Know it’s the truth.

Third and last in this series is the beginning of a statement. Let’s say you are finding a way to express the absolute disgust you have for someone and the way they behave. You might say judgmental things, like “That person is just a horses ass!” or even, “Someone should slap him or punch him out when he behaves that way!”, or whatever the case may be, you are pointing out what is wrong with someone else. That way of expressing yourself may be doing more harm than good to your reputation and image. If you were to start your sentences with “It makes me feel…”, now, no matter how you end the sentence, it is nearly impossible for anyone to deny how you feel. To use those previous examples, you might even say, “It makes me feel so angry when he behaves like a horses ass that I want to punch him out, myself!” Yes, you’ve wrapped your judgment nicely in your expression, but again, nobody can deny that this is how you feel.

There are, I’m sure, better examples of how any of these phrases be used, as in one presented to me this evening. A young lady said that her mother “didn’t need to hear” what she was saying in the judgment of her brother’s alcoholic affliction. All three apply in this case. An alcoholic’s behavior often does meet expectations. Judging someone who suffers may not be in your best interest, as you may not be fully aware of his pain, his path, how he stays on it, or if there is or isn’t anything you can do about it. But you are fully justified in expressing how you feel about it.

With regard to the title of this post:
The expression, “a few choice words” is something my mother used to say meaning that someone had something not so nice to say about something or someone. If you click this link, you’ll find the definition in the Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English nailed it. And, if English and idioms are a mystery to you, “nailed it” means getting it exactly right!