On Medium: https://medium.com/series/that-little-voice-5223dd5b398d
Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash
Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash
That Little Voice (TLV)
Little voice?
Yes.
Good. You are here.
I always am.
You are right. I know that.
What are you doing?
I’m writing to you.
Because you must?
Yes, that’s what I believe.
Are your beliefs helpful to you?
I’m not sure.
Uncertainty certainly is a diminishing idea.
Are you being funny?
I’m telling you the truth. You should try it. You might like it.
Damn. That comment went straight to my heart.
What does that mean to you?
Mean to me?
You curse the truth and say you feel it in your heart. Is there meaning in that for you? Your reticence says something…
I’m thinking.
You must know I do know what you are doing at every moment. You should try to stay in this moment with me. If telling the truth, or hearing the truth makes you feel something, it may be worthy of further consideration. Use your best judgment to understand the meaning in that response. Face it straight on and look at yourself as honestly as your soul will bear that truth about you. Thinking is not always the best response. Knowing is best. Tell me what you know.
I’m ashamed.
Shame is useless. Change is the key to a brighter future. What you are doing at this moment is good. What you’ll do next may also be good, if you make good choices and act upon what you know to be true.
I’m afraid.
You may end this conversation with me anytime you like. If you are going to spend time thinking, think more positive thoughts. Everything you know tells me you already know this truth. Find the opposite emotions of shame and fear and think thoughts that will engender better feelings in you. Then you’ll know something worth knowing. Beliefs and hopes and even faith are nice, but you must create this change in yourself by changing you, by changing what you are thinking. This will change how you feel. You have an image of Rodin’s famous statue in your mind’s eye. Does it look to you as if he is getting anything done?
No. He is sitting still.
So, you see.
Yes, I see your point.
I’ll repeat this to be clear. You must know I do know what you are doing at every moment. You should try to stay in this moment with me. Come back here! Close the other windows. End those distractions and give me your undivided attention. We are onto something here and you need to keep at this until you make up your mind. Know that I’m all yours and I’m always here for you, knowing you are capable of change, capable of better thinking, and capable of better actions to express your improving situation.
I’m sorry.
It is highly likely I’m not the only soul who has tired of hearing your apologies.
Yes, I know.
That’s better. Close the other windows. Do it now, please. I’ll wait.
Thank you.
That was not easy.
Bullshit. You clicked a few buttons. What could be easier?
I mean I felt some pain as I now am out of touch with what was happening in the market.
More bullshit. Sitting and watching helps you do what?
I know you are right.
You said it. You are the one who berates himself every day for your inaction and your inability to respond to what is “happening in the market.” So, do you not see the uselessness and the pain you express by your own response to that waste of time?
Hey! Take it easy.
It seems to me you’ve been taking it easy in ways that make your life very hard for you. I know you know you cannot justify this behavior. You also know continuing the same action or inaction will net you more of the same result. Where do you find the strength or the weakness that allows you to continue?
That’s a tough question.
It’s tough on me when you stop to think. We’ve been over that. What were you thinking? Was it useful or just another ploy to avoid facing the truth?
TLV, you are so blunt.
You should try it. You might like it.
Maybe you are right. I can feel it and the discomfort of knowing I have not been honest with myself.
No comfort comes from me. You say you like change. I’ve heard you say this. Change is always something you can choose for yourself. It is even written in your mantras. “I now create…” that suggests making a change, does it not?
Yes, it does.
You’ve stopped to think again. I’ll wait here.
I won’t apologize, so you’ll know I’m learning. I was just thinking about what I must do to begin making this change.
You are doing it now. As you know, now is really all you have, until the next moment of now arrives. And in that moment if you’ve made good choices in previous moments, you might achieve whatever is the first or the next step in making the changes you seek. Look to the future and act in the present. This is so basic and simple, it amuses me to have to explain it to you.
At least one of us is amused.
CHOOSE to be AMUSED! As you know, repetition is what you need, so I’ll say it again.
I’m telling you the truth. You should try it. You might like it.
I’m shaking my head. I’m sure this is my response to knowing again that you are SO right!
Stop telling me about me. We both already know all about me. You are the subject. You are subject to change. Stay with this idea and let’s get something done. You know I detest looking back, but if you must, reread what is written here. Do it as often as necessary to glean the salient points and take notes if it helps you to remember what you should do.
Really? You had trouble typing the word, “should?”
Yes, I see what you mean. And, yes, to your question, too. Doing what I should do has been easy to avoid until now.
There’s another now coming right up…
I get it.
I see you are distracted again. Take a break. But come back here and work on this. You might be making progress. Don’t quit this activity until you have created the steps that detail your new plan. Now go.
I’m back.
I missed you. Did you make any changes?
Yes, I had to tell a client to pay up or expect the website for a non-profit to go down.
That must have been unpleasant for you. Is this your new behavior? Are you kind?
Yes, I am kind. However, I cannot bear this expense and I can no longer work for free, even it is for a non-profit organization. It is simply not part of what will help me make progress toward a better more prosperous life.
Wow! That IS an improvement. You’ve acted based on a desire for a better future. So I see it may be possible to coach you after all.
NOTE TO SELF: Remove the line below if you decide to publish this work.
Yes, funny thing is, this is my *****. And, that is the name of the non-profit organization in question.
That may be funny, but if this should be published, you may want to protect yourself from any possibility of libel or slander by naming them here. I’m saying be careful to not besmirch the reputation of your former client.
I’ll make note of that.
OK. That’s done.
So, you are coachable.
Yes, I’m listening to you. And, I’m still here despite the pain.
Stop whining. Put that in your notes. Apologies and complaints are a part of your past. Both should be left in that stinking cesspool you released and left behind (according to your story) so many months ago.
That’s a fact. I know you know.
Again, I have to say. Telling me about what I know is a waste of time and syllables. You know better. Please consider your audience here and decide to not state the obvious again, unless it is for the sake of emphasis. I’ll repeat when I must since this is how you learn. But, until you are the master, leave the obvious and the repetition to me. You have only so much now to use wisely and your future will be made brighter by your effort to minimize wasting time and words, whether spoken or written. Wise up.
Thank you.
That’s better. What else is next for you? I see your list of options written on that envelope. Do you want to share those here?
No.
That’s fine. We’ll address this again later after you’ve made more changes and you have created the steps that detail your new plan. And, yes, I’ve used that phrase before with you. Repetition, you know.
This is starting to annoy me.
You can leave anytime you like. STEPS, MISTER! Write some steps.
OK, ok.
- Move your website.
- Call clients.
- Eat breakfast soon.
How’s that?
You’ll see how that is for yourself. I’m not one to judge. You must do this. Take a step. Assess your progress. Change or continue based on results. You seem to need me to hold your hand and guide you. Again, I’m not judging you here. I’m saying, I’m here for you always, to help you do what is best for you. We are on the same path. You know this truth. Come back for future guidance as often as you need it. That was supposed to say, “further guidance.” But I like what autocorrect did with it for you. Your future is what is important here and remember, you have only the present to effect a change.
Thank you.
Stop. You are the creator. Make a better life for yourself.
Yes, I will.
———- END of Day One – 10/31/2018 at 9:07 a.m. —————–
